knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
the raccoons are back...
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