dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't put those talents on a resume
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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