so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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