East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
