Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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