God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
