Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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