My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
