Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
