let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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