I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
