This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So vagazzling was a success
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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