I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
