she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pants are for mortals
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
