Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
