You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
