Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
