That's intense
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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