Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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