you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
