Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
