He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
