ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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