Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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