I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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