I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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