You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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