i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
