Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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