All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
