Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
