whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
