id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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