so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
