I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
