His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Boobs speak an international language.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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