you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
