Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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