I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
