I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize