just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
