Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
