Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
