there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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