Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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