what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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