the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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