so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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