My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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