please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He shit in the fireplace
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
