I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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