You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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