haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
