so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
