i don't like sucking hair
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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