Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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