end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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