shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
