now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
