just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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