At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
