so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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